The Stories We Keep Telling Ourselves
One thing I’ve learned from years of coaching people is this:
We all have stories we tell ourselves about who we are.
Some are true. Some were true. And some have been repeated for so long that we’ve stopped questioning them.
‘I’m not good with money.’ ‘
I’ve never been a confident person.’
‘I’m terrible at confrontation.’
These statements can sound like simple observations. But when repeated often enough, they can become part of our identity.
This matters because the story you believe about yourself influences what you expect from yourself.
It affects the opportunities you take, the conversations you avoid, the boundaries you set, AND the goals you pursue. At worst it influences the future you allow yourself to imagine.
When a story becomes an identity
Often these stories began somewhere, perhaps there was a failure or the end of a difficult relationship. Something somebody said about
you that you embraced as who you are. Or just a conclusion you made about yourself - many years ago.
Problems arise when we want to step forward or take a new opportunity - this old identity can undermine our progress. We can continue living from an old conclusion long after the circumstances that created it have changed.
You may have lacked confidence once - that doesn't mean you ARE an unconfident person.
You may have made a poor decision in the past - that doesn't mean you ARE someone who makes poor decisions.
Sometimes the greatest resistance to becoming who we want to become isn't around us…It's the story we hold within us.
A question from the coach
I invite you to notice your own language. Particularly the sentences that begin with:
“I am…” “I always…” “I’m just not…”
And then ask yourself: Is this actually true?
or is this simply a story I've become accustomed
to telling myself?
Don't rush to replace it with positive thinking.
Get curious first. Allow yourself to reflect on where did that belief come from? When did you start believing it?
Challenge it - Is it still true today? Or is this just an old identity no longer needed.
That may have been part of your story, but it doesn't have to define who you are now. Sometimes transformation begins with something surprisingly simple: Questioning the story!